It’s been a weird week. I haven’t studied that much, instead focusing on painting. I have read some books for a course, and they all touched a nerve.
When I had to read Peter Pan I wondered about how much of me is still childlike in dreaming and adventurousness. I guess not that much: Apart from the odd painting I rarely go on adventures. Maybe it’s the age I have, maybe it’s mental obstacles like thinking about a lack of money. I tend to think about doing things more than I do them. New Years Resolution #1: Have more positive activities.
When I had to read Mansfield Park and Jane Eyre I thought about my character. Is it a good one? I remember a lot of mistakes. What can I try to do to improve? How do I remember the lessons from the past and apply them to the present, so that the future will be better than the past has been? New Years Resolution #2: Work out what I really like and think about how my behaviour can be led way from making mistakes.
Now I’m reading Trainspotting. This one really hits home, also because I’ve been there and I’ve done that, albeit most of the times in a less extreme degree. This one is simple but at the same time hard: Quit smoking cigarettes, and keep on refraining from indulgences. I’m now applying nicotine patches, with varied results. It’s simple because I know what needs to be done, but it’s hard because of the habit, or because I tend to escapism.
How do I stick to the lessons? How do I not turn back to the void? Just keep working on it, I guess. I’d like to finish my studies with acceptable results and become a teacher or a painter, or both.
Painting has been going quite well: I’ve got an idea for a spring or summer exhibition with friends and have been making some larger paintings I am pretty content with.
I’ve been listening to the album We Will Always Love You by the Avalanches. It’s got this melancholy feel to it, due to the intermezzos, making it perfect to paint to on a winter’s day.
Just keep working on it, that’s the motto for this year.