I couldn’t get to sleep. It’s 4:30AM and I already had breakfast. Did the dishes. Decided to get with the grind.
I know how bad skipping sleep is – I finished “Why We Sleep” not too long ago. Sometimes I make bad decisions, but I just couldn’t get to sleep. Broke my own rules. As always, should’ve known better.
Maybe it’s a good decision though. Because I have been going to sleep way deep into the night the past week my rhythm has been off. It’s a negative cycle.
So paradoxically I try to break it by staying awake for another 16 hours and then going to sleep. This is obviously not a sustainable tactic. Nor is going to sleep at 3AM sustainable.
Poured what’s lauded as the Best Beer of the World down the drain:
I still had a sixpack of Westvleteren 12 left from a trip in the ’10s. It was now ‘ripened’ and worth some bucks. But: If I don’t drink alcohol and am encouraging others to try the same, I should not sell it so that others can consume it. Fuck with alcohol, get nowhere fast. Don’t want to contribute to damaging someone’s brain cells – even if it fills my pockets. I’d rather get that money the hard way.
1:30 – 3AM
Read a hundred pages of I Love Dick by Chris Kraus. Got into it more than I expected I would. I sympathized with the newfound eroticism that SylvÃ¨re went through albeit through cuckoldry – with which I do not sympathize. I liked the fact that he tried to save Chris.
I still don’t get Chris’ dedication to Dick, I still don’t get some cultural references and am not interested in looking them up, I still don’t get why she calls herself a feminist but takes money from her husband. I also don’t get why she leaves her husband. I especially do not get why the Guardian called this book The Most Important Book About Men And Women Of The Century – but saying something’s wrong because you do not understand it is a personal incredulity; that’s what I do understand.
3AM – 5AM
Got out of bed and took a warm shower. Didn’t finish it cold. Got dressed in very comfy, covid-19 proof clothing and made breakfast.
Breakfast was an omelette consisting of a tomato, chestnut mushrooms and five eggs. It also was some gulps of freshly squeezed orange and lemon juice (with pulp) and two bananas. I also shared this trivial (although trivial? I lost 4 kilos in 2 weeks by just being disciplined) information with MyFitnessPal.
I decided to sit on the couch aimlessly and browse Instagram. Deleted Instagram after browsing – there were only posts from galleries announcing they are temporarily closing, and ads.
Watched some videos of older fit shirtless men who eat vegetarian/vegan, are streetwise and visibly work out. Got motivated and made myself another cup of coffee, planted some garlic in the garden (shoutout to my grandpa for teaching me how to do this), sat down at the kitchen table and started writing.
Even though my writing this morning is mainly about practice and keeping me busy until I can socialize at work in one hour, it’s good to practice every day. If there’s something learned from making visual art since primary school (shoutout to teacher Gerard for getting me into graffiti and sparking this interest) is that you have to put time in. You also have to improve, but that’s a different story.
I think what I want to improve in my writing is that I want to tell a story with a lesson each post instead of just tracking activities and goals. That’s how you speak to people. Next study block is Creative Life Writing, so that might get me on the right path. Enough material to share and edit.
Alright, I’m off to the petrol station. We’ll see if my work sector is vital enough to stay open with all the health measures. Hope I can keep earning working – not if it affects my health or that of others negatively of course.
Until the next time.