Choosing

I had a dream again.

In this dream, I was walking close to the shopping hall in my neighborhood, when I was picked up by an angel, lifted up and pushed to the ground.

She said: “Choose.”

Then, another figure appeared out of thin air next to her. He had a setting sun shining on his back.

I was distressed, to say the least.

I felt like these two figures represented Love, Faith and Hope in the one figure, and Passion in the other.

I hesistated a long time.

Then, I chose Love, Faith and Hope.

I was hugged by several people who told me I was saved, and they escorted me to the gas station, where I met several others.

The dream wasn’t over. Someone asked me if I was happy, and I knew I had to choose again. Again, I hesistated. I finally said “No”.

The guy who was talking to me wore a baseball cap. He asked me, while looking at me intricately:

“Is that because of your relationship?”.

Fuck me. I hesistated again and woke up before I could choose between yes or no.

What this means, I can only guess. I’ve had more dreams in which I had to choose lately, some of which included choosing between friends, family and lifestyle.

My guess is that I’m constantly on a crossroad. Now that I stopped some bad habits, the fog is slowly lifting and the place where dreams come from is asking me what I want out of life.

I thought I had my life path set for the coming 4 years at least, but apparently there are some deep desires in me that are surfacing.

Desires that require action. I don’t know if I’m ready for those, but I’m in pretty good shape right now, so why wouldn’t I be ready?

It’s because growth has to be organic. I know from experience that you can only go a certain distance before you destroy your chances.

But on the other hand, if I wait too long that might destroy my chances too.

I definitely think I have to expell some last bad habits from my life to get that fog all cleared away.

I’m excited for the time I’ll take that action and see what it will bring me and the world. We’re gonna have to take it from there.

Whichever way we’re going, we’re gonna keep growing.

Until next time.

Your man,

Mark Dumanon